Brain puke: do I divorce or do I deal?

[PorkChop]

Haha, I ment that even the queen of england would be interested in some assplay if she were drunk enough.

Can confirm, I rimmed the Queen after having tea with her last Thursday.

[Kein]

Sorry to hear about the difficulties with your love life. You have received a ton of advice here and I know I am late to the thread, but I figure I will chime in as well. A lot of people have been saying to talk to her parents or someone of close trust and I am not gonna lie I kind of disagree with this. Don’t get me wrong, it can help, it could be just what you two need to mend certain things, or it could be a terrible idea and it could blow shit up, and get more people involved and burst and people take sides and it crumbles. You speak very highly of her family, and I think that’s where a lot of people on here give the divine trust to talk to them. But you also said people have said that about your family and I know you don’t really go to your parents for certain things either. I think you should try other options before approaching family members about the issue at hand. I think approaching the family should be one of the last options before divorce is considered, just my opinion here, but it always varies from family to family too.

I know she doesn’t go for the psychiatrist or therapy stuff, but like someone else mentioned, you two are separate people and you can still explore those options if you want. If she can’t respect that you are trying to make yourself happier, even if it’s not how she would do it, there is another problem going on. Nice thing about those professionals? You can leave them if they don’t work and no one has to know about it. NO ONE has to know about it, and those professionals? They are professional and will stay away from you when you leave. Unlike a friend, or a family member. If she is really opposed to it you can ask her what she suggests to you as well. She knows you, she is your wife, she may have ideas for you too.

I know you want to help your wife, you love your wife, she is your best friend, as a wife should be. Unfortunately as a person who has suffered depression I can only say, you can’t help someone who is not willing to get better themselves. You have tried talking to her it sounds like, and she seems to get crabby or irritable when things get brought up. She may think she is fine, she wants to be left alone, but you need to maybe also remind her you two are partners and maybe you aren’t happy, and she needs to see that too. Does she need to fix your problems? No way in hell, but she can be supportive and your pursuit of your own happiness may motivate her to jump on the same wagon. If she isn’t going to help you be happier, I say do what you can to make yourself happier. Let her see the self-improvement efforts you are stepping up to, and be encouraging and loving, as you sound like you are. If you want something, strive for it. Your passion will bleed out, and it can motivate others.

Do you get one on one time with her often? You said you guys are best friends, but let’s not beat around the bush. If you want romance, doing that with your child in the room, or even the house can be difficult. Have you guys had family watch the son while you two get some bonding time? Even if you buy her nice things and take her where she wants to go on the weekends does that include the child or what? Basically beating a dead horse here but do you guys get individual bonding time or is it always family time?

Try approaching her differently. In both your need for sex, and bringing up her mental health.

Are you guys stuck in a routine? “hey hows your day?” “hey dinner time.” “goodnight kiss” and do stuff together? How much do you two engage in real conversation rather than simple pleasantries with simple replies?

Earlier I said she may not think something is wrong. Maybe to her something isn’t wrong, maybe she doesn’t see it. That’s different from not wanting help or not wanting to get better. But you obviously think something is wrong. Instead of making it about her not giving sex, or her not being happy, make it about you not being happy (cause that’s important too). Or make it about you giving sex (I say this cause it seems like she has to give it to you). And by giving sex I mean like, tell her you love her and want to show your affection and make her feel great and show her she deserves to feel good, all that mushy stuffy stuff. Make her see you want to have sex with her because you love her and not because you just need a sex outlet.

I can’t help with the birth thing she may possible have, I have no advice or questions to give if she refuses help and can’t see she needs help. Sorry. All I can say is try to channel the help or self-improvement from yourself to her.

Also keep in mind, I am not asking you these questions to answer me. I don’t need you to explain yourself, these questions are for you to reflect upon. Just trying to help you think more broad. I hope they help, I hope things get better for you. I am glad you felt comfortable bringing this up, trusting us to help you, and if you delete it, to trust us also to never bring it up again.

[Everlong]

Locking this at the request of Locke, who is very appreciative of your guys' input.