Brain puke: do I divorce or do I deal?

[SKS]

This is why God invented masturbation, and craigslist casual encounters.

On mobile so I can't really give my full answer. But it seems like you both still love each other, with sex being withheld, so I wouldn't do something as drastic as a divorce UNLESS you are absolutely not happy together. Especially since you have a kid. I come from divorced parents but I'm thankful they did get divorced because they hated each other. Yea I have daddy issues and have dealt with insecurities since age 12, but since my dad left years ago it's made me mature a whole lot quicker (maybe this is bad).

Enough about me, just wanted to say that divorce is not always the worst option. But I would hope you and your wife can work things out since it seems the love is still there, just no sex. Just jerk off man, I mean I know it sounds childish, but like. Idk. I jerk off a lot. I do think for a relationship to work you do need to have some kind of sexual activity though. Your wife should probably have sex with you, but since you said you're fat, maybe your appearance is the reason and that compiled with the sister drama has turned her off? Don't mean to be insulting here.

[Locke]

This is why God invented masturbation, and craigslist casual encounters.

On mobile so I can't really give my full answer. But it seems like you both still love each other, with sex being withheld, so I wouldn't do something as drastic as a divorce UNLESS you are absolutely not happy together. Especially since you have a kid. I come from divorced parents but I'm thankful they did get divorced because they hated each other. Yea I have daddy issues and have dealt with insecurities since age 12, but since my dad left years ago it's made me mature a whole lot quicker (maybe this is bad).

Enough about me, just wanted to say that divorce is not always the worst option. But I would hope you and your wife can work things out since it seems the love is still there, just no sex. Just jerk off man, I mean I know it sounds childish, but like. Idk. I jerk off a lot. I do think for a relationship to work you do need to have some kind of sexual activity though. Your wife should probably have sex with you, but since you said you're fat, maybe your appearance is the reason and that compiled with the sister drama has turned her off? Don't mean to be insulting here.

Don't worry, I know how to "handle" myself but there's just something to being intimate. Right now she's no different than when I lived with my best (male) friend other than pecking me on the lips goodnight. I'm skinnier now than I was when I was at my fattest and she didn't have a problem back then, plus she's no fucking green bean now herself and I don't give a damn. There's just no closeness. It matters to some.

Well what are you doing at the moment to try and repair things? What's been your strategy? Do your late night fights lead to anything conclusive?

Again, there really are no fights. We get along great. When I bring it up, though, she just get's really annoyed and pissy and I just go masturbate with my tears (not really). Usually I just drink when I'm not supposed to. It doesn't fix anything but damn it feels better than nothing. I'd literally smoke every damn day (in place of drinking) if Missouri would get the fuck over it not being 1085 BC and legalize the shit.

[SKS]

I was joking about the masturbation part

But yea I agree closeness matters. That's what I miss the most from my last relationship. Just cuddling and sleeping next to each other and holding hands and shit. And saying I love you but then them not saying I love you back. And then a break up on your anniversary... Don't mind me but I'm gonna go cry now ....

[Highwayman]

Solution: Dump your wife and hook up with your male best friend.

[Westcoastvibes]

How have you been post accident? Has you mentality changed, your views of life changed?

I say this because maybe she has seen a change in you that you might not be aware of, or maybe there has been a change in her mentality post accident.

I have been threw a lot with my wife and she is every bit as stubborn about life as yours sounds to be. In the end it took a forced conversation with a lot of will power from me to not make it into an argument. Maybe set up a time were you guys are alone without the distraction of the child or any arrangements with friends then just tell her straight out that you are worried about the longevity of the relationship. Voice your concerns about the lack of affection and romance combined with the growing distance that seems to be in place. One thing that helped me was to ask my wife straight out what she disliked in me and how I could make an effort to change, then the same for her.

Every relationship is different and every issue is complex in its own way. You just need to be able to work with her and communicate without arguments or raised voices.

Best of luck to you.

[PorkChop]

As someone whose parents divorced for similar reasons to Daz's, I urge you to make divorce the last thing on your mind.

My parents' divorce changed me as a person, and nearly 10 years later I still harbour a great deal of anger about it. It's heartbreaking and ruins lives. Although things in your marriage might not be going great right now, please do everything you can to fight for it. Think of your son, think of his future. Fix it, and don't throw it away.

[Locke]

As someone whose parents divorced for similar reasons to Daz's, I urge you to make divorce the last thing on your mind.

My parents' divorce changed me as a person, and nearly 10 years later I still harbour a great deal of anger about it. It's heartbreaking and ruins lives. Although things in your marriage might not be going great right now, please do everything you can to fight for it. Think of your son, think of his future. Fix it, and don't throw it away.

No worries. man, my son is first and forefront in my mind after all my little bitchfest. Sometimes it just helps to get shit off your chest, even if you regulate it to a post on a forum filled with "strangers." But honest to God, my God, at least, I won't lie.. this post has helped me a lot and made me feel better. Thanks to all of you who responded and even those of you who just read it. It truly helps.

Now all of you, feck off. <3

I can't do it myself so maybe @Everlong can help and give you all who responded 100 rep. 'Cause he should. <3

[Circled Square]

You're a good guy, Locke. You'll figure it out, whatever decision you make will be best for all, I'm sure of it. Good luck.

[Locke]

dafuq

[Circled Square]

thought he saw a ghost haha

[Viazon]

I have been reading all through this thread. I didn't respond because I really have nothing to say on the matter. It isn't because I'm a heartless bastard who doesn't care. It is just that this is the kind of stuff I am terrible with. I have never had a long term meaningful relationship in my life, let alone know what it's like to have a freaking wife.

However, I will say that I hope everything works out for you. Stay strong man.

[War Daddy]

There's studies that show if you eat the booty, she's less likely to hate you.

[The Legend]

I've been trying to think about a reasonable, measured and complete response. And I guess here's what I've come up with. Divorce isn't something to be taken lightly and it sounds like you don't at all, which is a great place to start.

A marriage is something that needs to be worked on, but part of that is you need two people working together in a partnership. If you are the only person working on your relationship it isn't going to work anyways and in one sense your marriage is already over because the partnership is broken. I get the stigma part of counseling and how that's hard for some people to get over, I do and I'm sensitive to that difficulty for her to get over, but if she's not willing to talk and work with someone and she's not willing to even talk and try to make an effort to work on your marriage issues, then there's not a whole lot for you to be able to accomplish.

I do believe your next step should probably to have a conversation with someone in her family that you feel that you can confide in and that she respects and is close to. Maybe if you can't reach her fully, that person can help open her eyes to the actual state of things.

The final thing I'd like to talk about is this: a few people on here have talked about not wanting you to resort to divorce because of how hard that is on kids like your son. They are absolutely right, divorce sucks. It's hard on everyone, especially kids, but that's not the only way to have a negative impact on kids' lives. I know a family in particular that's pretty religous and hold views like divorce should basically never be an option. For this reason they kept the family together far longer than it was actually functional. It became a home filled with anger and resentment and yelling and frustration. It was horrible for everyone, especially the kids.

Now, I have no way of really knowing anything about your home life besides what you tell us and it doesn't sound like you are all at that point yet, but beware of that point. Those parents staying together actually did more damage to those kids than if they would have broken up and now that they have split, almost everyone in that family is actually happier and far more at peace, especially the kids. Also, there's nothing to say that if you do decide to split that both of you can't make a positive impact on your son's life. In reality, the less resentment and the more amicable you can make the split the easier that would be to come to.

This is a hard issue and it's extremely complicated. There's hard realities and decisions you and your wife have to come to. I'm in no way pushing you in one way or the other. You just need to remember that your feelings and your life matters. You shouldn't have to live it unhappily for anyone else. You need to figure out what decision will make you the happiest and go in that direction.

[Locke]

There's studies that show if you eat the booty, she's less likely to hate you.

I don't like booty, and when I almost accidentally "went there" back in the day when things were "ok" she sounded like a dolphin saying "no." And she hit me.

I know you like to eat poop, but some chicks don't like that.

[Westcoastvibes]

There's studies that show if you eat the booty, she's less likely to hate you.

I don't like booty, and when I almost accidentally "went there" back in the day when things were "ok" she sounded like a dolphin saying "no." And she hit me.

I know you like to eat poop, but some chicks don't like that.

Depends on how much alcohol they have consumed prior

[Locke]

^Negative. Not that I'm even remotely interested. I think you butthole munchers just must be a different breed.

[Westcoastvibes]

^Negative. Not that I'm even remotely interested. I think you butthole munchers just must be a different breed.

Haha, I ment that even the queen of england would be interested in some assplay if she were drunk enough.

On a serious note,
communication is the key, you must find a way for both of you to communicate with each other civilly in order to mend any wounds.

[Locke]

I'm an open book and speak my mind any time I need to, the problem is when they walk away or refuse to lsiten. That's what happens if I bring up anything "touchy."

Btw the Queen might like butt fucking but my wife still don't, and I've seen her drunker than even my lush ass is comfortable with, and she's just not the kind of person that gets.. "frisky" when drinking. She falls down alot and likes watching movies, that's about it. Oh, and sleeping.

[Twister]

Something I feel I may have left out (but not sure, I'm not reading that fucking encyclopedia like you maniacs did :p) is that she's more or less been this way since she had our child, and during child birth she had H.E.L.L.P. (google it) and nearly died. But even when shit isn't scary, some chicks lose all their "want" after childbirth. Hormones and crazy shit I can't explain.

Apologies, I've not read all of the replies but from what I have read you've received some great advice, I do think some sort of relationship counselling could help. The above paragraph jumped out at me though, you say she's been more or less like this since having your son. Obviously all the stuff with her sister hasn't helped matters, it also sounds like she had a traumatic birth experience. Is there any chance she could be suffering from an undiagnosed case of Post Natal Depression? It's quite common but can be mistaken for 'baby blues' by healthcare professionals in the early days and so people go undiagnosed for months or even years. Probably way off the mark here but I thought I'd throw it out there.

[AkydefGoldberg]

A sibling of mine suffered divorce including two kids and it's not something I would advise only once very other avenue has been explored. It's horrible for all parties involved especially for my sibling who doesn't see his kids at all, not his choice but his ex-wife.

I think the trauma of what happened to her sister is something she hasn't overcome and probably needs to be given time to do that. For that specifically, speaking to her family might help in ideas on how she can move on slowly (but really wouldn't advise discussing intimate matters to her family, imagine that would piss her off more) and that might break the wall of intimacy that she's been holding up for a while.

It's natural for you to have these feelings but if you love your wife, then patience is something that might pay off. If you persist, be supportive, show moments of empathy and kindness, when the intimacy happens from her part it will be alot more meaningful then her doing it because she feels she has to.

Definitely pursue talking to her family about advice on overcoming the issue with her sister, continue to be supportive and caring, and work on it slowly.

Best wishes.