How would you going about cutting ties with someone you don't wish to associate with anymore?

[Viazon]

So, there is this guy I work with who I usually give a lift home after our shift ends. But I dislike the guy so much. I really don't want him to be in my car anymore. I never got a good vibe from him but he was always alright to me, so out of courtesy, I was friendly back with him. But I never liked how he is as a person. He talks with all of that chavy, gangster, rude boy speak even though he is 40 years old, married and has kids. Not the type of person I would hang out with in my social time but figured I will be civil and nice to him because he is a work colleague.

After, he started to ask for lifts home. I really didn't want to get stuck in a habit where I give him favours or what not because would bring him closer to me when I would really rather keep my distance. But he lives in the same area as I do as it's no trouble at all for me to give him a lift so being the nice guy I am, I said yes. Whenever we work the same shift, I give him a lift home. I could handle him for a while but as the days have gone by, he is just getting more and more irritating. Here are a few list of things he does that I really don't like.

1. The main thing is how he always talks about sex. Seriously, it's almost the only thing he talks about. Whenever he sees a female colleague at work walk past us, he says things like, "I would smash that, right up the arse. She needs a good fucking. I bet she loves sucking cock." Things of that nature. Now, I'm no prude. I talk about sex with the guys and we ogle pretty girls when we see them. I'm not going to say I don't. But honestly, the things he says. I actually toned it down a bit. There is, or was, a pregnant girl at work. She is on maternity leave now, but when she was there, I also gave her a lift her on a few occasions. He would say the same things about her. And the girl was pregnant. Absolutely no respect at all. I say as little as I can when he talks like this, hoping he will get the message that I don't care to talk about that sort of stuff. And even worse, the man is a married man. And his wife actually works with us as well. And he is saying these disgusting thing about other girls at work.

2. Constantly bad mouthing other people. Well someone walks past at work or if we see someone walking out of work as we are leaving the car park, he will start saying all sorts of things about them. Same people I see him being nice to when at work.

3. According to him, everyone stinks. Everyone. I give a few people a lift home. When someone gets out of the car, he will start going on about how much they stink and how they need to learn to take a shower. If someone is talking to him at work, after they leave, he will come over to me and start telling me how much they stink. He does it all the time. To everyone. And most of them don't stink. In fact, he has said it about a few girls at work who actually smell really nice. And the worst part about it is, he stinks.

4. Constantly making fun of the kind of music I am listening to in my car. Calling it shit. Someone is nice enough to give you a lift home and that's how you act?

5. He is always talking bad about the Polish at work, even though he is married to a Polish. Whom I already stated above, also works with us. But he said, and I quote, he changed her for the better and she is now better than the other Polish. Because she is with him. What kind of bullshit is that?

6. I give a few other people a lift. When they ask for a lift, they do just that. Ask. He, however, has come to expect that I will always give him a lift. And when he wants to remind me that he still wants a lift, he won't ask He will just say it. He will say, "I'm coming with you tonight." Also, he is the only who never offers me money to giving him a lift. I always refuse the others when they offer money but at least they offer. The thing is, with the others, I don't have to go out of my way for them. I only need to drop them off on the way. He is the only one I need to go slightly out of my way for. Not much, but still. Only like 2 minutes out of my way.

He is a real piece of work. So now I'm kind of stuck in a situation where I give him a lift home every night and I really want to get out of it. But how the hell do I tell the guy I don't want to give him a lift home anymore? Would it be too harsh to straight out tell him that I don't like the way he behaves? A few people at work, who also dislike the guy, have said that they don't think I should do that because they believe it would be too mean, even for a guy like him. I am not particularly bothered about hurting his feelings or having him upset with me. I don't care to be his friend nor do I wish for him to see me as one.

That's personally though. Professionally is a different thing. The problem, this guy is technically my superior at work. He isn't my boss but he is a team leader. He isn't my team leader but sometimes, when other team leaders are off, some will move areas of the warehouse and be the team leader for the day for a different team. So there have been times when he is over seeing my work day. If I was this brutally honest with him and told him the truth, he could start treating me differently. I have heard rumours about how he has treated people he doesn't like in the past and even forced a few people out of a job. I was told right from the beginning that he wasn't to be trusted, which is one of the main reasons why I wanted to originally keep my distance. In fact, the only reason he is nice to me is because I give him a lift. If he had no need for me and I had nothing I would offer him, I'm sure he wouldn't give me the time of day.

Sorry for the long post. Didn't realized how much I was planning to type.

[The Legend]

If you only have the same shift as him like once or twice a week, I'd suggest just saying you have errands to run after work and therefore can't give him a ride home. Eventually, he'd probably catch the hint or start planning other arrangements.

[Viazon]

Every other week, I work every day. My shifts rotate every week from 9-5 to 2-10. He does 2-10 every day. So it's all week every other week.

[Romo]

Park your car elsewhere and pretend you made other travel arrangements to get to work?

[Viazon]

That will be hard to sell. If I have a car a live a fair bit away from where I work, he won't believe for a second that I've started not taking my car. Plus, there really isn't anywhere else to park apart from the car park. He will see it there.

I don't wanna have to lie about what I'm doing to not get him to come with me. Ideally, I would like to not give him a lift, even though he knows I could.

[Westcoastvibes]

You can either be straight up and tell him you don't appreciate him as a person and that you don't feel comfortable giving him rides home or you can bullshit him and say something like you are house sitting for a friend and taking him home would be in the total opposite direction that you need to go, then make it a point that he sees you heading straight home.

The shit part is that you carpool with other coworkers and you would have to blow them off for a while also.

[Viazon]

I don't wanna bullshit him. Because if I bullshit him and he sees me heading home, he will call me on it. He is the confrontational type.

I'm not really the confrontational type, but if it did get to the point where I couldn't take it much more, I reckon I probably could be straight up with him and tell him that I don't like his attitude. But then it's just a matter of how will he treat me at work after that? I could imagine him being very unprofessional.

[Daz]

Just be honest, tell him he's a cunt and you don't want anything to do with him. If he's unprofessional outside of work, fuck it, you don't have to have anything to do with him. If he's unprofessional at work, make a complaint.

[War Daddy]

Smash his fuckin brains in.

[Westcoastvibes]

I don't wanna bullshit him. Because if I bullshit him and he sees me heading home, he will call me on it. He is the confrontational type.

I'm not really the confrontational type, but if it did get to the point where I couldn't take it much more, I reckon I probably could be straight up with him and tell him that I don't like his attitude. But then it's just a matter of how will he treat me at work after that? I could imagine him being very unprofessional.

I don't know what to tell ya then. You don't want a confrontation so you won't tell him the truth and you don't want to lie for fear of a bigger confrontation.

Your stuck mate, it's got to be one or the other. You don't have to call him out on his faults but next time he mentions something about a ride home just say "sorry, I can't today" if he asks why just reiterate that you just can't provide a ride for him that day.

Other than that it's either bullshit your ass to him or tell him he is a full on douche, both will end with confrontation and resentments, just one way gets you there faster than the other.

[PorkChop]

Does this guy not have his own car?

Personally, I'd suggest killing him. That way you don't have to put up with his shit, and plus you stand a chance at promotion. It's the most sensible option imo.

[Twister]

You have two options really, either lie and say you have errands/things to do after work in the hope that he gets the hint or finds someone else to bum lifts off (this is what I would do as I don't like confrontation either). Or tell him straight that you find his behaviour inappropriate and that you're not going to be giving him a lift any more, if he then starts being arsey to you at work make a note of everything and make a formal complaint.

[AkydefGoldberg]

I would, because like you, don't like confrontation. I'd say, sorry man, can't give a lift because I'm doing a drop off for a friend so need to pick her up promptly. That's what I would do and generally just deconnect myself from him, by not responding to his chat, and making an excuse to disappear elsewhere. Slowly, he'll get the hint.

Or if he continues getting lifts, surprise him, by going to the petrol station and saying, "mate, you got a tenner for the petrol?" and see his startled face, shocked that he's had to pay. If he makes a fuss then say, probably best I don't give you a lift then. Others pay, or at least, offer but you don't.

[PorkChop]

How does this guy get to work in the first place?

[Viazon]

He usually does overtime every day, which means he starts before me. If he starts at ten, the same time he wife starts, I'm guessing she drives him in. Other times, his dad will drive him. Him and his wife and his children still live with his parents in his parents has. Gotta crowded in that house. Anyway, I'm not sure if he actually has his own car, but I do know for a fact that there are at least two cars in his household. He has mentioned before how he needs to sort his license out and get a car again. He hasn't mentioned much about it since. I just keep hoping he will eventually get his own car.

[Hanley!]

If you don't want to confront him, but you also don't want to lie, then maybe consider actually doing something after work. Like choose that as your time to do the shopping or go to the gym or whatever. You'll have a built in excuse and he'll have no reason to get worked up.

Lying or confronting would be simpler, but if you can make something like this work for your schedule and it's not a massive pain in the ass, then it could be the best solution.

[Viazon]

If you don't want to confront him, but you also don't want to lie, then maybe consider actually doing something after work. Like choose that as your time to do the shopping or go to the gym or whatever. You'll have a built in excuse and he'll have no reason to get worked up.

Lying or confronting would be simpler, but if you can make something like this work for your schedule and it's not a massive pain in the ass, then it could be the best solution.

We finish work together at 10pm. He isn't gonna believe that I have stuff to do every night at 10pm. If we finished together on my early shifts, I would use that as an excuse as it could most likely work.

[Chewy]

Introduce him to HFX.

[Viazon]

So, good news today.

Where I work, they have implemented major changes in the shift patterns. Usually, I would rotate between doing 9-5 and 2-10 every week. They have decided have only 10-6 and 1-9 shifts with no one rotating. Whatever shift you are on, you do that shift permanently. I was one of the ones lucky enough to get the morning shift. This guy is on the late. We will never do the same shift again. So now I no longer need to ever give him a lift.

I am fairly ecstatic about it.

[The Legend]

So, good news today.

Where I work, they have implemented major changes in the shift patterns. Usually, I would rotate between doing 9-5 and 2-10 every week. They have decided have only 10-6 and 1-9 shifts with no one rotating. Whatever shift you are on, you do that shift permanently. I was one of the ones lucky enough to get the morning shift. This guy is on the late. We will never do the same shift again. So now I no longer need to ever give him a lift.

I am fairly ecstatic about it.

Wait until he works a double to cover for somebody that calls off. Sorry, couldn't resist being a buzzkill.