I think I have gotten used to and started to like being alone.

[Viazon]

And this is not something I want.

I know in the dating thread many of you have found humour in many of my dating woes. Yes, I have been single for a long long time. But, I have met many girls over the years and have been on many dates. But every single time I always break it off because I am ultimately not interested in being with them.

I tell myself that I would love to have a girlfriend. But whenever I meet someone who is interested in me, it always feels like such a chore meeting up with them and taking them out. There is one girl I have been talking to recently. This girl is really into me. She texts me everyday. She always wants to meet. It's been a while since we have met and she says she misses me. I could totally make this girl my girlfriend. She is attractive as well. She's nice and kind. Ideally, she sounds like she could make the perfect girlfriend. But......even still. Whenever she asks to meet up, all I can think of that it will take time out of me staying at home on my own, watching TV. I had this conversation with my brother the other day. He told me that if I would rather stay home and watch TV than meet up with this girl, then that obviously means this girl isn't the one for me.

I don't know what it is. We get along but I really don't feel like I connect with this girl enough for her to be my girlfriend. Some couple maybe have to work on that but I have always been the type of guy to know from the start whether or not the girl I have just met is someone I want to be with. I know it is not nice to make judgments like that when you don't know someone yet. Which is why I have given her a chance. That's why I have been going out on dates with her and trying to get to know her. But I still don't feel anything for her. Every time, I am usually just waiting for the day to end so I can go home. Which makes me feel terrible because she is such a nice girl.

This worries me. What I wanted to know, and this is a question for the people on this board who are married or in serious relationships, did you know straight away you wanted to be with that person? Did you have to really try and get to know them before you knew you wanted to be with them? Did you have that feeling from the start or did it grow gradually? Did you have any of the feelings or doubts I have been talking about in this post? I really hope the problem isn't with me. I really hope that when I actually meet a girl who I do feel a connection with, who I do feel like I can be with, then it would be different. I would actually be excited to go out and meet her and be with her. But it's been such a long time that I have actually been out on a date with a girl that I was really interested in, I have no idea what that feels like anymore.

I have been accused by some friends of being too picky. I suppose there can be some truth in that. But I think you have to be sometimes. I mean, when you are deciding to be with someone you want to share you life with, it should be perfect. I know nobody's perfect, but you're own version of perfect. I can't invest my time with someone when I feel like we are not right for each other.

Sorry if I sound whiny or anything but this is something that has been on my mind lately and just I'd see what you guys think of it.

[Kein]

I am not currently in a relationship, but I have been in a 1 year, and a 5 year relationship, so I'd like to chime in even though this was more directed to people married or in serious relationships.

From my experience it can go both, gradual or immediate. Honestly I don't think there is anything wrong with you, it sounds like you are searching for your partner more than wanting to make friends. It can bloom from friends, but from my experience if I am feeling anything it usually sprouts up sooner than later. Once you get through the initial phase of awkward introductions (if it starts that way at all) there is some kind of spark ya know? I always find something clicks and I am very interested, lest I am just talking to talk and not create an awkward situation.

You sound like you are giving these women legitimate tries, you are going out and trying to get to know them, you aren't just putting them off your list because of their looks. It sucks, and it's tiring but that is how dating works. It's hard to find someone you are compatible with. The only thing I can suggest, is if you are more acutely aware of what you want in a woman, try to find a way to filter them out more from the random selection.

Again, nothing wrong with you, I know plenty of guys who feel dating is a chore, you seem to have good luck finding women to take out but it is actually a lot of work, and it can be exhausting. I have gone through phases of finding a woman and just saying "fuck it" plenty of times. It sounds like you don't want to be alone but let your dating battery recharge too, maybe.

[Viazon]

Went out on another date with this girl last night. Now I am certain this isn't really a girl I would like to be with. Again, had a good night. Went for a nice meal. Played a few games of pool. Went for a walk then ended the night going to the cinema. Lot's of conversation. Still feel no sort of connection that would warrant anything more than a friendship.

I also feel like she is looking for something right now that I can't give her. I think she wants a boyfriend more than she wants me. She has told me how she doesn't have many friends and is very lonely and bored a lot of time. I think she needs someone to keep her company and be there for her. If it was up to her, she would meet me every day. And I just can't handle that. Even when I meet a girl I am really into, as I said, I am just that type of guy who likes to spend time by himself. I love enjoying my own company. She seems like someone who would want to be with all the time and that's just not me.

I think she is a genuinely good girl, but last night was the first time I noticed a few things about her that actually annoyed me a bit. Firstly, when walking through town, a homeless guy asked for spare change, and she told him to go get a job. I was a little bit shocked. Now, don't get me wrong, some homeless people are maybe there because of stupid life choices are their behalf. Some are people who are just down on their luck. Some maybe have had such a bad home life, they would rather live on the street. You never know someones story and you can't judge them if you don't know them. I tried explaining this to her and she just said that she doesn't like it when these people are drunk or high and are asking for money. There was absolutely no reason to believe he was either of those things. He didn't seem high or drunk. She just assumed. And telling him to get a job doesn't help. Sure, maybe it's his own fault for being in his position in the first place, but it's not so easy for these people to just go out and get a job.

Secondly, I mentioned we went to the cinema. I don't think she even wanted to really go to the cinema to watch a movie. But she dragged me anyway because she liked the feeling of being out on a date and watching a movie. I honestly thought we were gonna make our way home. It was already 9 and she had to be up at 6 for work. She had always said that she can't stay out late and has to be home by at least 10. So I had already mentally prepared myself to end the date at around that time and walk her home. I am a bit weird like that. I like when things go to plan. When she asked me if I wanted to watch a movie, I really didn't want to but I said I'm happy to do whatever she wants. There was only one showing left and it was London Has Fallen. I have never seen Olympus Has Fallen and had no interest in seeing this. Neither did she, but she still wanted to watch. She had never even heard of the movie before. As I said, I think she just wanted to have a movie date, no matter who it was with or what she was watching. That's not me. I don't do things just for the sake of doing them. I only want to do them if I really want to and if I really like the person I am doing it with. The fact that I don't feel like she actually wanted to watch the movie made it quiet an unpleasant movie experience. She kept trying to talk to me during the movie. Which I don't mind. Except she wouldn't whisper. She would speak it her normal tone and can clearly be heard. And she never spoke about anything about the movie. Many times throughout the film, I could see from my peripheral vision that she was just looking at me, like she wanted me to acknowledge her. So I would look at her, give her a little smile. She would smile and we would look back towards the screen. And I'm like, just watch the movie! I had little interest in this movie, but if I have paid money for the cinema, I'm gonna watch the movie. The whole experience just left me feeling sour.

We left the cinema, she mentioned her work friends had texted her and want her to go out with them for drinks. I thought cool, because this is my chance to say my goodbyes to her and head home. She said I could come with her with her friends but I had no interest in going to a bar or a club. Although I was cool with the date finally ending, you still don't go out with your friends while on one because they texted you. No matter how bad or well you think the date is going, you are on a date with each other. You don't make plans to do something that night until the date is over. She could have asked me if I was interested in meeting her friends out after they texted her. But she had already decided she was going to meet them and had basically asked me to tag along.

I have just realized how much I have rambled on here. I doubt any of you will bother to read any of this! But last night has at least given me some comfort in the fact that me having no interest in a relationship with this girl has nothing to do with me. I like to think I will feel differently with a different girl who I feel more of a connection with.

[Everlong]

I'm just commenting here to remind me to write out a response and advice when I get home and get to a comluter.

[Hanley!]

I think it's important to give new relationships a chance and to make an effort to do things together: that's what leads to you finding out how much of a connection you have, and things build from there. I don't really believe that 'love at first sight' exists, you need to put time in to see if there's something real in a relationship. It might be easier to stay at home and enjoy time by yourself, but you have to push outside of your comfort zone sometimes if you want things to change. Much of the time, you'll be ultimately happier doing the thing that seems a little harder. It's more rewarding. So when a girl shows interest in you, I think it's worth making that extra effort early on to find out more about her.

That being said, the girl you went out with last night doesn't sound like a great match for you. She doesn't seem as mature as you, she seems a little needy and abrasive, and that she might just be using you to fill some kind of hole in her life. That's all well and good if you two were a good fit, but it sounds to me like you're not, and that you're able to see that even if she can't.

There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right relationship. As long as you're willing to give people a shot, there's no reason that you should have to settle for the first person to come along. You deserve to be with someone that excites you and that clicks with you. There's nothing strange about that, and you shouldn't be self-conscious about being happier alone than with the wrong person. That's actually a very mature attitude. I know people who have wasted months or years with the wrong partners just because they were afraid of being single. That's dumb.

[Viazon]

That being said, the girl you went out with last night doesn't sound like a great match for you. She doesn't seem as mature as you, she seems a little needy and abrasive, and that she might just be using you to fill some kind of hole in her life. That's all well and good if you two were a good fit, but it sounds to me like you're not, and that you're able to see that even if she can't.

Which is odd, seeing as she is a couple of years older than me and has a child. I mean, I feel for her for being a single mother and being alone but it's not fair to string her along when it's clear she seems to want more from me than I can offer. She is Latvian so maybe she sees things in a different way. Not to say that all people from the same country are the same but I think this may have a little bit to do with it. I am surprised that she seemed so interested in me because I felt like we had nothing in common. I actually work with her sister who told me that her last relationship was a bad one. So then she meets me, a decent guy who would treat her right, and immediately thinks she would like to make me her boyfriend. Regardless of the fact that we may not be right for each other. I don't think that's a good reason to start a relationship.

I have my image of a perfect girl. I am not naive to think I will ever find her. There was a girl I met once who I thought was it. It didn't work out and I doubt I will ever find someone like her again. No couples always perfectly have everything in common. But I just felt when out with this girl that there was someone out there better suited for me.

[War Daddy]

That being said, the girl you went out with last night doesn't sound like a great match for you. She doesn't seem as mature as you, she seems a little needy and abrasive, and that she might just be using you to fill some kind of hole in her life. That's all well and good if you two were a good fit, but it sounds to me like you're not, and that you're able to see that even if she can't.

Which is odd, seeing as she is a couple of years older than me and has a child. I mean, I feel for her for being a single mother and being alone but it's not fair to string her along when it's clear she seems to want more from me than I can offer. She is Latvian so maybe she sees things in a different way. Not to say that all people from the same country are the same but I think this may have a little bit to do with it. I am surprised that she seemed so interested in me because I felt like we had nothing in common. I actually work with her sister who told me that her last relationship was a bad one. So then she meets me, a decent guy who would treat her right, and immediately thinks she would like to make me her boyfriend. Regardless of the fact that we may not be right for each other. I don't think that's a good reason to start a relationship.

I have my image of a perfect girl. I am not naive to think I will ever find her. There was a girl I met once who I thought was it. It didn't work out and I doubt I will ever find someone like her again. No couples always perfectly have everything in common. But I just felt when out with this girl that there was someone out there better suited for me.

Bro, there is a load of Latvians who play basketball at the college here. I can promise you, those girls are FREAKS in bed.

[Chewy]

Why does being in a relationship matter at all?

Nobodies value in life is dependant on being in love with someone else.

[Everlong]

Why does being in a relationship matter at all?

Nobodies value in life is dependant on being in love with someone else.

This is basically what I was going to say when I posted to remind myself to come back and respond (and then forgot), but put much more succinctly.

Relationships aren't meant to make you whole or to give your life meaning or to make you happy. If anything, it's the other way around--you're only capable of having a strong, meaningful relationship if you're happy with yourself.

I tell myself that I would love to have a girlfriend. But whenever I meet someone who is interested in me, it always feels like such a chore meeting up with them and taking them out. There is one girl I have been talking to recently. This girl is really into me. She texts me everyday. She always wants to meet. It's been a while since we have met and she says she misses me. I could totally make this girl my girlfriend. She is attractive as well. She's nice and kind. Ideally, she sounds like she could make the perfect girlfriend. But......even still. Whenever she asks to meet up, all I can think of that it will take time out of me staying at home on my own, watching TV. I had this conversation with my brother the other day. He told me that if I would rather stay home and watch TV than meet up with this girl, then that obviously means this girl isn't the one for me.

I don't know what it is. We get along but I really don't feel like I connect with this girl enough for her to be my girlfriend.

Looks like you already answered your own question man. You can't force a connection like that. You shouldn't have to feel any pressure to feel romantically about anyone else. If it doesn't come naturally then there's no use forcing it. And why would you want to force it? What's the point?

I understand that the pressure begins to heat up once you reach a certain age to meet someone and "settle down" with them, but you're on nobody's timeline but your own.

[Viazon]

This is why I have stopped hanging out with her. All it would have done was lead her on. And knowing how I feel about her, it wouldn't have been right.

I know I just need to stop thinking about it too much and the right girl will come along some day. It just gets a bit shitty is all.

[Twister]

It's very likely that you just haven't met the right person yet, sometimes a connection can take time to develop. Another suggestion, and I could be way off the mark but I'm going to throw it out there anyway, but is there a chance you might be depressed and maybe that is the reason you feel unable to connect with people?

[Viazon]

It's very likely that you just haven't met the right person yet, sometimes a connection can take time to develop. Another suggestion, and I could be way off the mark but I'm going to throw it out there anyway, but is there a chance you might be depressed and maybe that is the reason you feel unable to connect with people?

I hope that's not the case. I looked into depression once because there was a time where I was feeling really down. Upon reading up more about it, I really didn't think it applied to me. Sure, I was upset but when people are depressed, I read that they cannot genuinely enjoy anything or truly feel happy. And I can. There are plenty of things I do that makes me feel good. I really think it is just because I haven't found the right one yet. Maybe it will take a while to find her but I am sure once I meet someone I really like, it will be different.

[Twister]

Fingers crossed for you dude. These things often tend to surprise us, I reckon the right person will come along when you least expect it.