I ate one of those black Halloween BK whoppers

[VaderBomb]

Mind you, I have not eaten fast food in probably over five years. I'm not a vegetarian by any means, but I tend to avoid processed meats like it's the plague.

Something in me stirred. I had read the reports about black buns in Japan and was not interested. Something about this was different. I think it had something to do with the ad campaign. Burger King wasn't hyping any sort of movie or show. They were simply attempting to capitalize on the actual holiday of Halloween and while I usually have no respect for the commercialism of holidays, I was intrigued.

Then it hit me. I knew why I wanted to try the black whopper. BK had finally made fast food EVEN SCARIER.

So, I fucking ate the thing. It was wrapped in a thicker wrapper than usual, attempting to portray a Mummy's face. It's spooky to think that this burger is being related to a mummified human being but what happened to my stomach was the spookiest moment of the year.

You see, I ate the monstrosity on a road trip with my girlfriend and her mother. We were heading up to Vermont to surprise her mom with a 60th birthday party. We arrived in VT late at night, my stomach full of the suspenseful black burger. I went to bed pretty shortly after arriving because we had to get up early and set up for the party.

The following morning was unrivaled hell. I had a fucking hangover from the thing. My stomach was in knots and as we drove to the party location (my girlfriend's father's real estate agent and good friend's house). As everyone went to help set up, I had no choice but to lay down on the back seat of the truck, groaning and trying to fall back asleep to relieve myself from the agony. I finally gained the strength to stand and stumbled off into the forest to vomit like I've never vomited before.

Finally I felt relief. I helped set up for the shindig and everything was swell. Until the poop came.

My body takes about a day to digest most foods, and this was roughly 18 hours after ingesting the terrifying black bunned burger. There we were, drinking a few beers, eating some chicken and salad. I dropped my food and ran. 800 feet at least, across a giant field to the host's house. I smashed through her front door and ran to the toilet and I took a major, major, ursa major type dump.

The scariest part wasn't the actual act of shitting. It was the horror that laid upon my eyes as I wiped. The paper was covered in a bright, deep green. Now I know all of you have had green shits from vegetables or what not, but this was different. This was a chemical type of color. I cleaned up and got off the bowl to flush and that's when the ultimate horror hit me. Not only was all of my dumps completely immersed in this chemical green color, but ALL of the water in the bowl was DYED GREEN. Holy hell. I flushed and ran away, back to the party so that my girlfriend could hug me and let me know that everything was going to be alright.

With that being said, I recommend to all of you to try the black BK whopper. It'll make your Halloween the scariest you've ever had.

[Everlong]

This post was everything I hoped it would be when I saw it in the new queue.

BRB going out to my nearest Burger King right now.

[Hanley!]

Yeah, the green poop has been trending on Twitter for the last couple of weeks. I don't even want to think about why it comes out that colour or what that burger is doing to your innards. I don't often go for fast food these days anyway, but I'll definitely be avoiding this particular burger.

[The Legend]

Yeah, the green poop has been trending on Twitter for the last couple of weeks. I don't even want to think about why it comes out that colour or what that burger is doing to your innards. I don't often go for fast food these days anyway, but I'll definitely be avoiding this particular burger.

It's probably the same reason Americans pee green after St. Patrick's day and all the green food-colored beer we drink.

[DBSoT]

My body takes about a day to digest most foods, and this was roughly 18 hours after ingesting the terrifying black bunned burger. There we were, drinking a few beers, eating some chicken and salad. I dropped my food and ran. 800 feet at least, across a giant field to the host's house. I smashed through her front door and ran to the toilet and I took a major, major, ursa major type dump.

That is some solid imagery right there.

[Viazon]

I never knew the green poo thing was an actual thing. My friend had one today on his break at work and said he was now preparing himself for green shit. I thought he was just being funny. I never knew that it had become a thing with the burger.

I may have to try it out, see what all the fuss is about.

[SlightlyJames]

I probably wouldn't have purchased one of these anyway (not much appeal in a black burger to me) and the bonus green slime in the toilet bowl probably won't do much to change my tune on that. My mum did bring a Burger King meal home the other day and the wrapper on my burger said something about a halloween whopper, I was a bit confused as the burger was normal, I suppose they just use that wrapper for all the burgers even if that's not the one you get.

[SortaCreative]

I'm so happy I read this.

[PorkChop]

Part of me is horrified, part of me totally wants to try this.

[Everlong]

Ok everyone let's make a pact.

Let's all go tonight and order the black burger, then take pictures of our shits and post them. Greenest shit gets 200 rep.

[Viazon]

Ok everyone let's make a pact.

Let's all go tonight and order the black burger, then take pictures of our shits and post them. Greenest shit gets 200 rep.

I'm totally down for this. I'll get one tomorrow.

[Str8Shooter]

Ok everyone let's make a pact.

Let's all go tonight and order the black burger, then take pictures of our shits and post them. Greenest shit gets 200 rep.

Making a mental note to stay the hell out of this thread from now on.

[Hanley!]

Personally, I'm appalled at Vader for stealing Porkchop's gimmick.

[PorkChop]

Ok everyone let's make a pact.

Let's all go tonight and order the black burger, then take pictures of our shits and post them. Greenest shit gets 200 rep.

I'm totally down for this. I'll get one tomorrow.

I'm in.

[DBSoT]

You couldn't pay me enough to eat a black burger and post a picture of my shit online........I lie I would totally do this for $100.

The hard hitting question: @VaderBomb, Is this the first time you have ate out some black buns?

[Hanley!]

You couldn't pay me enough to eat a black burger and post a picture of my shit online........I lie I would totally do this for $100.

The hard hitting question: @VaderBomb, Is this the first time you have ate out some black buns?

And now I'm appalled that you've stolen @War Daddy's gimmick.

[Viazon]

You couldn't pay me enough to eat a black burger and post a picture of my shit online........I lie I would totally do this for $100.

The hard hitting question: @VaderBomb, Is this the first time you have ate out some black buns?

And now I'm appalled that you've stolen @War Daddy's gimmick.

If people start telling sexual chicken stories, I'm suing.

[Daz]

This is my favourite thread of the year and its not even a close contest.

[EmperorWu]

I had one of those burgers a few weeks ago. It was OK. Just a smokey Whopper. Everyone who ate it at work said they got the shits. I was fine, I seem to have an iron stomach. Shit was greeeen though.

I don't know if it got discontinued, but my local Burger King doesn't sell them anymore.

[War Daddy]

You couldn't pay me enough to eat a black burger and post a picture of my shit online........I lie I would totally do this for $100.

The hard hitting question: @VaderBomb, Is this the first time you have ate out some black buns?

And now I'm appalled that you've stolen @War Daddy's gimmick.

Ayyyyy lmao