Str8Shooter wrote:@Daz
You didn't like my advice so much you didn't even respond to it
![tongue :P](./images/smilies/smile.gif)
Oh shit, I meant to.
As far as the constructive criticism goes, it's a fair point. There was just so much information to try and put out there, I didn't want to overwhelm the reader right from the outset. There's so much I cut, like a whole page or so about Ace's background, the Coco Santana scene was much longer, there was a great deal more with Wade's parents, and originally there was about 2,000 words on the history of the territory and the UWA (Which is my equivalent of the NWA in the book) so a lot of it had to go. My thinking with the scene you're talking about is this; Wade is portrayed as having his suspicions about the business prior to the revelation that it's a work, so it isn't so much turning his world upside down, but rather receiving confirmation of what he already knows. Also, a large focus on the first half of the story is Wade keeping the nature of the business a secret from his loved ones, so it's not something I wanted to harp on about too early. It definitely has a presence in the book. Even so, maybe it could be clearer, maybe it's something I should elaborate on more. Definitely a fair point.
Strangely the thing I was most worried about getting called on, was almost over describing the Sportatorium in the early portions, and starting too many consecutive paragraphs with the word "The". I'd bet good money almost nobody cares and or noticed it, but for some reason, I can't stop obsessing about it lol.