Am I in love? I think I might be in love.

[Viazon]

There is this girl from work. You guys might have seen me mention her a few times. Always had a crush with her, from the day I met her. That much I know. I knew she had a boyfriend right from the start so it just seemed to me like a lost cause.

As time went by, we got to know each other better and became friends. We get along really well and have lots in common. As I have gotten to know her more I have come to realise that she would be perfect for me. I began to curse my luck that she already had a boyfriend. As I get the feeling that if she didn't and I asked her out, she would say yes.

Many people at work know I like her and this one girl has started to say to me that she thinks I'm gonna fall in love with her and I am going to end up getting hurt. I keep shrugging this off, telling her that wont happen and that it's just a crush. But over the last couple of months, I have noticed a few things they may come into factor.

1. I think about her all the time.
2. I go out of my way at work to talk to her.
3. I love being at work because she's there.
4. I had a few days off a while back and I missed her.
5. My day at work doesn't feel complete until I talk to her, even if it's just to say hello.
6. On days where I don't get a chance to speak to her, I feel bummed out all day.
7. I get really jealous and pissed off when other men at work speak to her. Like really pissed off. Why are they talking to her? Why is she talking to them? What are they talking about?
8. When she sees me and smiles at me from across the warehouse, I wave back like a goofy little idiot.
9. Every single time I am talking to her, I just want to grab her and kiss her.

Also, last weekend, I went to Butlins with some friends and to plan was to chat up a bunch of girls. While that is indeed what happened, I messed it up with a lot of them because I got drunk and started talking about this girl from work. No girl wants to hear a guy walk about another girl. I told all this stuff above to one girl I got quite friendly with and she thought it was sweet and that she thinks it sounds like I am in love with her.

I continue to deny this. Because I can't be. It can't work out. I can't have her. That's why I can't be in love with her. She is just a girl from work who has a boyfriend. That's it.

I'm not in love with her.

[Enygma]

You're in love with her.

[prophet]

I wanna say yes but similarly if you have to ask then you're probably not. I've been in love once and it didn't work out and I'm at peace with the situation - I still love her though and probably always will. It's one of those things mate...when you know, you know.

[Viazon]

I think I am though.

I might be in denial because I know I can't have her.

I have thought about scenarios in my head about her dumping her boyfriend and then I finally get to ask her out. And then I end up marrying her and we stay together forever.

I have never met a girl so perfect for me before and I have never been so sure before that I have found the person I should be with.

But I can't be. It can't end well.

[Settee]

I think I am though.

I might be in denial because I know I can't have her.

I have thought about scenarios in my head about her dumping her boyfriend and then I finally get to ask her out. And then I end up marrying her and we stay together forever.

I have never met a girl so perfect for me before and I have never been so sure before that I have found the person I should be with.

But I can't be. It can't end well.

I have loved the same girl for about 6 years now, at first I was in denial because she was with my best friend at the time. I know she doesn't feel the same way about me, but I can tell you this much, If I knew I had even the slightest chance of being with her, I would go for it. You have to ask yourself, 20 years from now, will you be happy with yourself for not going for it and knowing you weren't rejected? or go for it and either get rejected, and be satisfied with yourself knowing you gave it your best shot, or maybe she will end up telling you that she feels the same way. You gotta ask yourself, is the chance of being rejected worth never doing anything about it? I think that if there is even a chance she feels that way about you, you need to go for it.



I know that the video is terrible quality (couldn't find a better one), but just listen to the convo between Jim and Dwight.

[Viazon]

My situation actually reminds me a lot of Jim and Pam from the office. It's pretty similar. It's just.....the boyfriend.

If she was single, I would not have hesitated. I would have asked her out in a second. But I don't believe she would dump her boyfriend for me if I told her how I feel. Then, it was just be awkward between us and I would probably lose her as a friend.

[Daz]

I think you need to let this one go and move on. It's not good for you to obsess, and it's not good for her and her current relationship. Chances are, that even if she did end her relationship tomorrow and you did wind up dating, it wouldn't work out because at this point you've built it to an insurmountable level in your own head, that she could never realistically live up to.

Just because she's perfect for you, doesn't mean you're necessarily perfect for her. If she were unhappy with her current boyfriend, or felt the same way about you as you feel about her ... she wouldn't be in a relationship and it'd be a different story.

And as prophet points out, if you really loved the girl, you wouldn't have to ask the question.

... Or maybe I'm just a a cynical prick. What do I know?

[Enygma]

I think you need to let this one go and move on. It's not good for you to obsess

Agreed, It can't be good for you thinking about her all the time, because the more you think of her, the more you'll think about her with her boyfriend and and it will just hurt you. If I were you, I'd let it go.

[Buck]

Couple of things. How much have you seen her outside of work? I ask that because people generally reveal so little of their true self at work that if you haven't really seen her outside of work, you probably don't know her as well as you think. And knowing someone is the whole foundation of knowing whether she's right for you or not, which in itself is the foundation of falling in love.

Secondly, I strongly hesitate to trust these kinds of crushes that turn into weird obsessions, because most of the time they're not based in reality. More often than not it's your mind playing tricks on you and fantasies run amok. I've learned this through all of my weird crushes that turned into obsessions. I can look back now at the girls I used to obsess about, and think "What the hell did I ever see in her anyway?".

Falling in love for real is very different than having a crush or an infatuation. I've been with the same girl 2 1/2 years now and never once did I feel obsessed or lose my mind over her. I've just been getting to know her and what she's like and what her personality is, and I love everything about her (er well, just about. Everyone has their flaws it's part of what makes us unique). I could really see myself settling down with her someday.

In the end, the best advice I can give you is a great piece of advice I received from a friend of mine. His name was Paul, basketball coach by day, security guard by night. He told me "As a guy, you should always go for the girls that are chasing after you, not the other way around. If they're chasing you, they really want to be with you and they'll go out of their way to make you happy. Then you've got it made in the shade."

[AkydefGoldberg]

I'd agree with Buck's words.

I was in a similiar situation at Uni where I thought I'd fallen for this stunning girl. I used to think about her alot, and anytime I met her, I'd get happy and if she even looked at me, I'd get happy or I'd mis-judge any glance she gave me or a question she asked. It gets to that point where you analyse everything that person does and see it as some confirmation that it's going to turn out OK.

I'm sure there is someone out there for you and it might be a situation whether you A) Accept it and move on or B) decide to let her know how you feel and if she says no then you can move on.

Maybe it's time to sort this out once and for all.

[Hanley!]

I don't think you're in love with her. It sounds like a crush. A pretty major crush perhaps, but we've all had those at some point or another. If you see this person all the time, it's going to be easy to think it's something more serious and it might make it less likely that you'll develop feelings for other girls. But that doesn't make it love.

You keep saying she's the perfect girl for you, but you're probably wrong. Maybe you're not, I don't know the specifics. But literally everyone says that about every crush they ever have. If you were able to look at it objectively, it's likely that you'd see a bunch of ways that you're incompatible. Having a few of the same interests doesn't make two people ideally suited for each other. Even a lot of similar interests isn't enough. Your personalities also have to mesh (far more than they have to between friends) and for a serious long term commitment, your priorities also need to match up.

Plus, she's automatically not perfect for you because she's in a relationship with someone else.

I think you're just wanting what you can't have. Her being in a relationship is an easy way for you to fixate on someone without ever having to make a move. The crush sparks feelings in you that you're not currently getting elsewhere, so you're feeding that obsession even though you know that it's not going to lead to anything. Instead you should be trying to move on.

In short: You don't love her. You should move on.

Believe me, I'm not trying to minimize how difficult that is to do. We all have a problem thinking logically when it comes to these things. But you should make a decision to move on. It will take a while, but work towards it. Start looking to meet people elsewhere. Nothing will help you get over her like a new crush.

[Chewy]

Give me her name and I'll fucking ask her out for you.

Buy a ticket or get off the train Shirley.

[Romo]

Give me her name and I'll fucking ask her out for you.

Buy a ticket or get off the train Shirley.

[SortaCreative]

Give me her name and I'll fucking ask her out for you.

Buy a ticket or get off the train Shirley.

This

[HFX]

Whether you're in love or not doesn't matter. What matters is that you need to move on. What you're feeling can and probably will wind up crushing you if you don't deal with it. I was in love with a friend's younger sister, I still am, but it was soul crushing. We almost were a thing but for reasons it never happened. She wound up going through a couple relationships until the most recent one which seems damn permanent and I tried to find someone to replace her in my heart. But if you let it fester it can become an emotional and mental infection. Me and her mutually agreed to break off contact last year because my feelings for her were crushing me and she couldn't stand seeing me in pain. We parted on good terms but it hurt us both. Sometimes you just gotta accept their heart belongs to another no matter how good y'all could have been.

You have to find something else to make you happy. Get a new hobby to channel yourself in or try and meet some women through it. You gotta find someone or something to be to you what that girls boyfriend is to her. I think it's just a big crush and you'll get over it and find someone who rocks your world. But really you have two choices: 1) you can either accept that you're nothing but a friend to her and be okay with that or 2) you have to cut her out of your life. If you're good together then y'all can be friends. Men and women CAN be friends after all. Channel your feels towards a friendship instead of viewing her as a potential partner. Who knows maybe she could set you up with one of her female friends. From my (limited)experience with women they seem to like playing Cupid

If I lived near you I'd drag your ass to the wild for a weekend camping trip to get back to nature and find yourself.

[Viazon]

To be fair, I have never seen her outside work. But we text each other quote often and we talk all the time at work. Perhaps it is just infatuation.

I was in a similar situation a while ago with another girl I worked with. Thought I was really into her. I ended up changing jobs. I guess it was a case of out of sight, out of mind because after a while my feelings for her died down.

Now, I never liked that girl as much as I like this one, but I guess it's just hard to get past someone when you have to see her every day. I know all I need to do is to try and not think about her and find a new girl. One who is available. If I meet a new girl but still can only think about this one, then I'll probably be in serious trouble.

[Everlong]

I'm going to echo the sentiments in that this isn't love, it's just a real bad crush. As someone who has experienced both, let me try to articulate a major difference:

Crushes and infatuation grow out of curiosity. Love grows out of familiarity. I'll try to explain this.

When you first fall for someone, you're not really falling for them, you're falling for your idea of them. You've only seen her at work, you're not extremely familiar with her yet. It's exciting, you're discovering a lot of things about her, you want to spend a ton of time around her because you're incredibly excited about the potential that the two of you have.

Love is much more complex. There is no such thing as love at first sight, because love grows slowly over time, it doesn't just happen. The more time you spend with someone, the more you begin to know the whole person rather than the specific characteristics you have become infatuated with that excited you about that person to begin with, the more you grow to love them. You start to think about more than just spending every day with them... you start thinking about the future, the REAL future, your long-term future together, whatever that might look like for you. It becomes more than just "thinking about them all the time" or "wanting to spend all day with them..." they almost become an extension of you. You share things with them that you don't with anyone else. You know and embrace all of their idiosyncrasies. It's the kind of feeling that can only come from familiarity.

It's similar to why you often hear the cliche about people living the "single lifestyle," going out dating/hooking up with a bunch of chicks but feeling "empty..." there's definitely an element of truth to that. They're only feeling the initial exciting stages rather than the entire experience that is actual love.

Hope that makes sense.

And yeah, like Steve and Daz and Buck have said, that really doesn't make things any easier on you. I've had it bad for girls who didn't feel the same way in the past, even in a similar situation as you where she was taken and there were some other extenuating circumstances that made it worse. You can't just "move on" with the snap of a finger, but you've got to try.

[Viazon]

I do feel like I am familiar with her thought. I have known her for over a year and a half now and we talk every day about everything. I know about her family and her life and all of that kind of stuff, as she does with me. She has even met my mother before. When we worked the same shift, I would give her a lift to work. Sometimes my mum needed a lift so they would chat. Even my mum loves her. And it didn't just happened straight away. Yeah, I thought she was hot when I first saw her, but I thoughts that's all she had going for her. But as time went on and we got to know each other better, that's when these feelings started to grow. And it must show because another girl at work who I am good friends with has told me that more people at work know about it than I might think.

And for the record, I have thought about a future with her. I would seriously marry this girl. However, I hope it really is just a really big crush or infatuation and not love.

[Chewy]

I do feel like I am familiar with her thought. I have known her for over a year and a half now and we talk every day about everything. I know about her family and her life and all of that kind of stuff, as she does with me. She has even met my mother before. When we worked the same shift, I would give her a lift to work. Sometimes my mum needed a lift so they would chat. Even my mum loves her. And it didn't just happened straight away. Yeah, I thought she was hot when I first saw her, but I thoughts that's all she had going for her. But as time went on and we got to know each other better, that's when these feelings started to grow. And it must show because another girl at work who I am good friends with has told me that more people at work know about it than I might think.

And for the record, I have thought about a future with her. I would seriously marry this girl. However, I hope it really is just a really big crush or infatuation and not love.

Have you heard her fart yet?

I think you're getting a bit ridiculous here dude talking love and marriage.

[Daz]

I do feel like I am familiar with her thought. I have known her for over a year and a half now and we talk every day about everything. I know about her family and her life and all of that kind of stuff, as she does with me. She has even met my mother before. When we worked the same shift, I would give her a lift to work. Sometimes my mum needed a lift so they would chat. Even my mum loves her. And it didn't just happened straight away. Yeah, I thought she was hot when I first saw her, but I thoughts that's all she had going for her. But as time went on and we got to know each other better, that's when these feelings started to grow. And it must show because another girl at work who I am good friends with has told me that more people at work know about it than I might think.

And for the record, I have thought about a future with her. I would seriously marry this girl. However, I hope it really is just a really big crush or infatuation and not love.

You know what she shares with you. You know fuck all about her outside of work. You sound obsessive and a little bit creepy to be honest sir. I don't mean that to sound so blunt, but I feel someone has to snap you out of it. You said yourself, you've never socialized with her outside of work. You probably don't know anything about 95% of her life. You're infatuated with a girl you can't have. Simple as that.

You need to grow up man, this isn't high school.