Long distance relationships.

[Buck]

K. Here goes, I'm finally drunk enough.

My girlfriend and I both came from basically the same area, but never met each other. Then, we both went to school in a far distant land (if, by far distant land you mean 200 miles away, you mean barely a blip on a map. Shown here:



Compared to here:



And that's where we met, far away from home. Now, we met and we were together for a year and a half. I got a job, graduated from school and moved into an apartment. I asked her to move in with me. She really wanted to, but due to personal and religious pressure from her family, moved back home instead. She is now living here.



As compared to where I am, which is here:



She still contacts me daily, and we're still what you'd call "together".
Now, due to all my bills of paying the rent and the car payment and my full-time job, I really haven't been realistically able to make the journey down to her very often. Approximately 3 times in the last year to be exact. When she moved back, her parents promised they'd help us see each other, but haven't delivered on that (we've already had our talks about that).

So I guess what I want out of you guys is just, how would you approach this? I mean, a heavily Catholic family (at least in words and image alone, they don't exactly live up to all of the principles of their own religion), who don't want us to live together, but we barely get to see each other. She, in her heart of hearts, feels like she has made a mistake moving back there, and wishes she had moved in with me instead, but doesn't have the resources or frankly, the guts to abandon her parents and come to be with me.

Meanwhile, I'm up here, I have a job I really love and that I can't leave for anything, so I'm kinda stuck in this area, and I'm kinda scared if she did move in with me, would she really be committed? Cuz that's what I really want, a commitment. She decided to go back home and I'd be kinda afraid she'd do it again. But I really do love her and I want to be with her.

Anyway, if I ranted too long, glorious free speech says you can move onto the next topic. I'm just trying to see if there's ANYTHING I'm missing here. If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Maybe I should be more patient and stop being so hard on everyone? Or maybe I need to break up with her and look elsewhere?

[JPG619]

One question I have for you, how long you two been together. If it is along enough time I think you should give it time for her to come to you. Since if she really does love you she will come to you. I know you have the job you like so don't do anything stupid by leaving that job since you might not get that opportunity again and if she does leave you then you just fucked your self in both the relationship and your job.

However don't give it to long of a time since you also want to start a relationship that is closer to you and with someone that really does love you. I hope I make sense man but I do wish you the luck with everything.

[Buck]

^^^ We met in September 2011. So, do the math, about 2 1/2 years or so.

In that amount of time, we've never had a major fight or disagreement unless it was over her family.

Thanks for your supportive feedback man I really appreciate it.

[Hanley!]

I think if she agreed to move out of her home to be with you, let alone moving with you, that would show a commitment right away. If you go to that much effort to be with someone, you really want to be with them. Once you start doing things like moving in together, I think it's implied that both parties want to make this relationship work long term. If you're living with your partner, you're a lot less likely to break it off with them for something small: you both have too much invested at that point. It means that if you end up breaking up it would be based on something serious, and it's likely that even if problems did come up in the relationship that you'd try to fight through them because of that extra commitment.

Whether she's willing to make that kind of move/commitment is the important question. It's hard to act against your family's wishes, and she would have to make some personal sacrifices to be with you at the moment.

Then again I know first hand that long distance can be tricky, and if you've kept it up for over a year then that tells me that you're probably on to something here. People won't go through that extra effort and hardship if they don't really care about the other person. I reckon you have reason to be hopeful.

How opposed to the "living in sin" thing are her parents? Do you think it would be a major issue if she ended up moving in with you? Could it cause a rift in the family? And is it a deal breaker for you to not live with her unless you get married? I know I wouldn't ever want to get engaged to someone I hadn't lived with first - it's the best way to learn all their little habits and foibles.

[JPG619]

^^^ We met in September 2011. So, do the math, about 2 1/2 years or so.

In that amount of time, we've never had a major fight or disagreement unless it was over her family.

Thanks for your supportive feedback man I really appreciate it.

Your welcome. I think you should give it time because if you been together for that time I think she will come to you if she really does love you.

[Westcoastvibes]

With the information you presented to us, the best thing I could say would be if she wants to make it work then she needs to take the step and move in with you. Aside from the travel there would not be any major costs, she would not have to bring anything more than clothing and any personal mementos, its not like either would have to rent a Uhaul for furniture.
It does not sound like you are in a position (nor should you want to) for leaving your job to move closer so that leaves the ball in her court. If she is as serious about the relationship as you are then she should understand that its up to her to make that next step happen.

[Twister]

^^^ I agree with the above

[Chewy]

Not exactly a long distance relationship. At best you only live half an inch from her on that map.

[Buck]

Not exactly a long distance relationship. At best you only live half an inch from her on that map.

More if you zoom in.

Anyway, thank you all for the feedback. I really appreciate it.

[Enygma]

heh, Bangor.

Nah seriously, if I really loved a girl, I would have a long term relationship further than that, tbh. But that's just me.