What are your best dirty jokes?

[Buck]

A contrast to Tim's topic. Let the filth flow freely.

Here's my entry:

So the CIA is hiring for a new agent. The first guy comes in for an interview. The interviewer hands the guy a gun and says "We have your wife tied up upstairs. If you want to be a CIA agent, you have to kill your wife". The guy says "No way, I'd never kill my wife", and he walks out.

The second guy comes in for an interview. The interviewer hands him a gun and says "If you want to be a CIA agent, you have to kill your wife". He nervously says "Ok." He goes upstairs, it is quiet for a while. He finally comes down and says "I couldn't do it". He puts the gun down on the table and leaves.

Then the third guy comes in for his interview. The interviewer hands him the gun and says "If you want to be a CIA agent, you have to kill your wife". The guy grabs the gun and goes upstairs. Suddenly, the interviewer could hear several shots fired upstairs. Then he could screaming and pounding. The guy comes back down the stairs, covered in blood. The interviewer, shocked, screams "WHAT HAPPENED?". The guy says, "The gun was just shooting blanks, I had to choke the bitch."

[The Legend]

A pig fell in the mud.

Not dirty enough for you?

Two pigs fell in the mud.

[iMike]

My cousin is pregnant... I'm going to be a dad!

[Westcoastvibes]

Not really a joke but more of an insult.

True story BTW...

A independent contractor that worked for a place I worked at in the past hated the bosses daughter with a passion. For like 3 months, every time she pissed him off he would tell her some variation of "shut up you fucking ankle" or "go away ankle", he always managed to squeeze in the term "ankle" in every altercation.

He was always reserved around the boss though, always half polite to her when daddy was around until one day. This day we had just finished a major multi million dollar project and we were all celebrating the sign off for the contract, we were all drunk as funk when she said something stupid and he let it slip when daddy was there, "you annoy the fuck out of me you fucking ankle, go back home and play with you teddy bears or something". The boss was laughing at firat , then he asked why he called her an ankle.

The answer - "Because in most cases an ankle is 3 feet lower than a cunt"

[Ace]

Little Johnny was at school one day.

The teacher says to her students, "Children! Tomorrow is show & tell. I want you all to bring in something important from your homes to share with the class."

Little Johnny looked all day for something but couldn't find something that would wow the class. He went to bed flustered. The next morning he fond what he was looking for.

When Little Johnny got to school he sat waiting & finally he was called up in front of the class. Little Johnny walks up to the chalk board & draws a period mark.

"Johnny why have you drawn a period on the board?" asks his teacher.

Little Johnny replies, "Hell if I know. All I heard was that this morning my sister missed hers, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack & the mailman shot himself."