by KaiserGlider » Feb 21, '14, 2:35 pm
WWE World Heavyweight Title Match
Elimination Chamber
Randy Orton (c) vs John Cena vs Daniel Bryan vs Cesaro vs Sheamus vs Christian
Order of Elimination: (1) Christian, (2) Sheamus (3) Cena, (4) Cesaro, (5) Bryan
Winner: Randy Orton
If Orton loses after looking so shit the last 3 weeks, then he'll go down as one of the weakest looking World Champions in recent memory. It's one thing making your defending champion look like the underdog before a big title defense, but they've gone above and beyond that by having him lose to 3 guys CLEAN in a short time frame. So now they've created a situation where Orton just HAS to win, and that's not good in a big 6-man match like this, where the audience is invested in other possible winners like Bryan and Cesaro.
The only eliminations I'm 90% sure about is Christian going out first, and Bryan going out last. They won't repeat the Rumble situation by having Bryan out early so the fans hijack the rest of the match, and Christian is the weakest character out of all 6, and the only guy that lost to Orton. Cesaro's been booked really well lately, so I expect him to last a good amount of time to look good, and do his Giant Swing against the chamber wall at one point. I don't buy into the rumor of Sheamus turning heel on Bryan. The big fella will have some great spots in this match but he won't last longer than Bryan or Cena. The Wyatts will cost Cena the title once again, even though they botched the follow-up to them costing Cena the title at the Rumble SO BAD. But they'll just do it again and pretend it didn't happen the first time? I don't know.
Orton will win the match by pinning Bryan. If Bryan is going to feud with HHH at Wrestlemania, I could see Triple H screwing him out of the title here. This PPV takes place in Minnesota, so I wish Brock Lesnar will make an appearance of some sort, but unfortunately they're just going to randomly cart him out when Undertaker returns the next night, to somehow set up that feud. In any case, I think this will be one hell of a match with Sheamus, Bryan, Cesaro, Christian, Cena and even Orton capable of having some great spots. Orton's winning though, and we're heading to the extremely anticipated Orton/Batista showdown. Oh joy.
The Shield vs The Wyatt Family
Winner: The Wyatt Family
This has been a simple yet really great feud, and I know I'm not the only one really looking forward to what has been billed as an epic collision. Unfortunately, the recent tensions between the Shield means they're not winning this match. Kind of a shame, but this should still be pretty good. Could give the chamber a run for Match of the Night.
Batista vs Alberto Del Rio
Winner: Batista
HAHAHAHAHA. Oh boy. Obviously this match only serves as an excuse to but Bootista on PPV. It would be really funny if he only wrestles in this match and the Rumble before Wrestlemania. Hahaha. The only thing to look forward to in this match will be "how fast will Batista get gassed?" And for that reason, I'm looking forward to it. But I bet you 20 bucks it's going to be a 5-minute squash match.
Seriously though, Del Rio got fucking destroyed by Batista already and he was wearing a neck brace on the last Raw. How the fucking fuck are we supposed to believe he's any sort of threat to Batista? I guess we're not. Which makes this match even more stupid.
WWE Tag Team Titles
The New Age Outlaws (c) vs The Uso's
Winners: The New Age Outlaws
I like the Usos. I don't think they'll take the belts off the Outlaws that soon though. It would be cool if they do a huge match with ALL the tag teams at Wrestlemania, just to showcase how strong that division has gotten.
Intercontinental Championship
Big E (c) vs Jack Swagger
Winner: Big E
Jack Swagger is a black hole of suck. Big E should win this one.
Darren Young vs Titus O'Neal
Winner: Titus O'Neal
Titus should win, because Titus is better than Darren. Black Cena winning? Ain't nobody got time for that!
Cody Rhodes and Goldust vs Ryback and Curtis Axel
Winners: Cody Rhodes and Goldust
So, did they decide to make Ryback and Axel a tag team just to remind us when they were with Paul Heyman and had an ounce of potential? I remember when Axel was announced as the new "Paul Heyman guy" and some people thought Heyman was going to make him a star. Bahahaha. Heyman is good, but he's no miracle worker.
Oh, this match. Rhodes brothers win.