A man in Ohio has Kickstarted a batch of Potato Salad

[SlightlyJames]

Link

This is definitely some of the weirdest news I've heard in recent memory.

A guy started a Kickstarter campaign for a batch of tasty Potato Salad, his goal for funding was $10. The current pledge amount is $31,120 with 25 days to go. As the money rolled in he promised things such as a livestream of the creation of the potato salad, improvements to the recipe and better mayonnaise.

[Everlong]

What the fuck?!

Now this is a kickstarter campaign I can get behind! Although I'd be more supportive if it were German potato salad.

[iMike]

Hooray for potato salad!

[JDD]

Thats crazy. The funny thing is all $31k has to go to the creation of the potato salad

[ShaneOfan]

Thats crazy. The funny thing is all $31k has to go to the creation of the potato salad

At the time of me doing this his budget is $44,613!



Using this recipe http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina- ... ecipe.html I will need the following ingredients.

-3 pounds of potatoes
-Kosher Salt
-1 Cup of mayonnaise
-1/4 cup of butter milk
-2 tbsp of Dijon mustard
-2 tbsp of whole-grain mustard
-1/2 cup of fresh dill
-Freshly ground black pepper
-1/2 cup chopped celery
-1/2 cup chopped red onion

So we are making $63,00+ potato salad we aren't getting these ingredients from fucking Walmart people, grab your pass ports we need to do some traveling!

Okay lets start with a quick trip to Twin Falls Idaho. Hey that's where Five Guys gets their's thats where we're getting ours! Oh and we're flying first class. Nothing but the best for our potato salad!



So we're leaving Ohio at 6:20 am. Early bird gets the worm! But we land at 10:47pm better find a room! And a car. Good news everybody, I found us a hotel and rental car deal to set us up. I also got us the rental protection. We don't take chances with Idahoan drivers. They are notoriously horrible… or is that Jersey? Either way safety first bitches!



Okay so we owe $1,145.53 but we're rich bitches we got this shit!

Okay so we wake up and check out before heading to the potato store. This is Idaho so I assume they have a potato store. I mean I live in Amishville PA and we having Amish stores everywhere. But we're getting some organic ones. No Monsanto for us. That's gotta be what? $100? Ok we've paid for that shit and out the door. Back to the airport.

Lets assume we had a nice breakfast and we tipped well because we're not… well I'm not going to say it but we all know who those people who don't tip well are and we ain't them. We dropped another $100. We've now spent $1,345.53. We need two plane tickets. Don't give me that look I paid 100 clams for those taters they aren't going to freeze in the cargo bay.

Let's get some salt next. Kosher salt and it don't get much more Kosher then Israel! And it doesn't get much more Israel then Tel Aviv. Oh and we're flying first class sipping orange juice from a champagne glass! So we got to leave early. Hope the potato store opens early. Anyway we take off at 6:28a and land at 4:40p.



$12,600.98!!!!! Ouch that's expensive. But again nothing but the best! Okay so we're hear. There is Kosher Salt everywhere… again I am assuming. Lets grab some from the air port because it is convenient and we don't have to pay for a cab to tai us somewhere. Doesn't get more kosher then that folks.

We've now spent $20946.28

Now I'm not sure what the hell a Dijon is but it sounds French. So let's get going people. Okay okay I sent the taters down to storage. One of them mouthed off and gave me the eye because I also bought the pepper there and he thought that wasn't cool. So I banished him as punishment. Together the things cost what $10? Okay $20956.28 off to France.



Only $2,617.42, sold American!!! Or French what ever. Our total is now $23583.7 but now we're in the city of love, gay Paris! Better bunker down for the night and hope the Germans don't invade or else we have to find an embassy. Actually we should probably find it just incase. It has been a while. I'm adding a room for $194.23 bringing us to 2,761.66 for the trip and stay.



Okay we awake fresh and ready to go. Lets hit the store. Okay so we got the mustard. Turns out they sell this shit in America. Who knew? So we're down another $6. No biggie. Also I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "ShaneOfan you forgot to factor in food costs you stupid American, I bet you don't even know what a scollop is!" nope. First class bitches dining included!

Okay so we're at $23,783.93. Whats next on our lit?

-1 Cup of mayonnaise
-1/4 cup of butter milk
-2 tbsp of whole-grain mustard
-1/2 cup of fresh dill
-1/2 cup chopped celery
-1/2 cup chopped red onion

Let's grab the dill, according to http://homeguides.sfgate.com/dill-weed- ... 70793.html we should head to India or Pakistan. Since we aren't trying to kill Osama anymore no need to go to Pakistan. India it is. But the taters are still riding below. I haven't forgotten damn you! We'll leave at 11:00am from Paris and get there at 3:10am on the 13th. It's cool, like Warren Zevon, we'll sleep when we're dead. Or on the plane like John Denver.



Only $2001.80 not bad not bad. Okay so we pay some rickshaw driver an American nickel and he pulls us to some market where we get our dill. Also The dill guy sends us down some alley where we can get quote "the best red onion you have ever seen" I'm not so sure but this dude seems nice and I think I remember him from the last time I called Comcast. I'll trust him. I pick the onion up and smile. Dude was right it's amazing looking. I pay for it with American money. This isn't Monopoly people don't need that funny pink purple green bullshit. I'm guessing I dropped another $5 bucks but I'll round that up to $200 even because I bought a rug to.

That's when I saw her… she's beautiful. She will be my new bride. @Babes will be cool with it. Wait never mind I'm not me. I'm some jackass from Ohio. So it's all good. The good news is we got married and the potatoes were my best man so they're back in my good graces. The bad news for them is she won't let me but them a ticket. Also I dropped 20,00 on the wedding but it's not everyday you get to wear a dress and ride a fucking elephant!

Brings us to $45,785.91 good thing we have a huge budget. But guess who wants to go on vacation? She wants to spend 3 days in Niagara Falls. But it's cool because when I was there with Babes, they had great celery. We'll need to fly into Toronto and take a rental car to Niagara but it's all good in the hood. So total we add another 10,360.80 bringing us to $56,146.78.

After three days in Niagara we've spent an additional $6,000 for hotel and food. We're at $62,146.78 which is way over our budget. Oh no oh no what do we do? I know how to fix this…. so I pushed her. Over the falls she goes to her death. Good thing no one saw it was me the Canadians feel really bad and they give me 20,000 life insurance so really the wedding budget was a wash. Back to $42,146.78

Now we have to get.

-1 Cup of mayonnaise
-1/4 cup of butter milk
-2 tbsp of whole-grain mustard
-1/2 cup chopped celery

None of that is a big deal, we'll drive home from here. Good thing I put the rental in her name don't have to give it back and they can't track it back to me. So we drive down through New York stop of in PA and buy some celery and butter milk from central market in Lancaster PA. (Oldest market in the western hemisphere!) Also we grab some mustard from Kitchen Kettle Village and stare at some Amish. Costs us $20 all told. Hotel up for the night at the Econo lodge for another $65.49.



For those of you keeping track we have 2,400.73 left to spend on mayo. We got this shit. We start to make out way home when it happens. Just as we get into Ohio again, Red and blues flash in behind us. Do we run? We murdered our wife and stole a car. No man. Play it straight. Pull over act like nothing's up.

Us: "Can I help you officer?"
Five-O: "Any idea why I pulled you over?"
Us: "No man, did I run that red?"
Five-O: "Sir you were serving all over the road, have you been drinking?"
Us: No, I'm just not used to this car. it's a rental."
Five-O: License and registration please.

We hand it over then realize oh no…. we're screwed. Cop comes back

Five-O: Sir this car has been reported stolen. I'm going to need you to step out of the car. I

get out real slow and calm like, I'm caught. They extradite me back to Toronto and appoint me a lawyer. I pay him the $2,400.73 I have and I am charged formally with Possession of stolen property over $5,000.



Lawyer gets me a good deal and I only have to serve 5 years with the option of reduced time for good behavior. I get out after only serving three and a half and use the money I made in the prison workshop along with what this weird fella sent me from HIS kickstarter to get a bust ticket home. The bus drops me off at the Gray Hound station and I call a cab.

Cabbie approaches and dude seems nice. We make small talk. He asks me where I am coming from, I tell him the whole story. I leave out the whole murder part. No need to have to commit a second one. He tells me he feels for me, he really does. But I know he is just saying that. No one cares about a now ex-con like me.

Pull into my house, and see that while my brother has been watching it he hasn't cut the gas in a few weeks. Still home is home and it's great to be home. Walk in the door and sit at the kitchen table just thinking of where my life has taken in me in the last 4 years. Think of how much better things could have been.

I need a beer so I walk over to the fridge, open it up and see it's exactly as it was the day I left it. Brother didn't bother to clean it out. So I have to throw out some pretty rancid stuff. Vegetables and fruit from the crisper… gone. Ham and cheese that was in the drawer? Gone. Throw out the OJ and the Milk which is now pretty much shitty cheese any way. That's when I see it. In the back of the fridge, behind the bottle of Mt. Dew Baja blast (summer time only fellas!!!) I see the last thing I expected to see…

Show Spoiler

Then I remember from all those years ago. Why potato salad was on my mind when I started that kickstarter as a joke. Because there was some in the fridge. Son of a….

[SKS]

^Did you actually come up with that entire thing?

[ShaneOfan]

^Did you actually come up with that entire thing?

Yes... yes I did. My kids were being brats today so it was something to take my mind off of it.

[iMike]

That was beautiful.

[DBSoT]

^Did you actually come up with that entire thing?

Yes... yes I did. My kids were being brats today so it was something to take my mind off of it.

Your original post is my vote for post of the year so far. That was an impressive showing my friend.

[CavingSiberian]

ShaneofFan...honestly, that was awesome.

[ShaneOfan]

glad you liked it!